LIKE WTF IS THIS THIS SHIT, I HATE MEDSOC

Suicide is just man's way of telling god, "you can't fire me, I Quit"

I may be all smiles on the outside, but I'm dying inside. Pieces of me are falling apart. I miss my sister so much. Sometimes I want to end it all and join her. But that will be to selfish of me. I cannot hurt my parents.

I have to keep smiling, I have to be okay. Life goes on.

Suicide will not be an option.

But the pain is killing me, just like my sister.

My sister didn't kill herself, it was her pain that killed her.

thinking of my own death

My sister's death has made me fear death. It's inevitable, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my friends, my parents, and me. we're all gonna die. But what happens after that? Will I be forgotten? Will my death cause pain and suffering to my loved ones? Will there be problems with arrangements after my death?

We were a bit clueless on what to do for my sister's funeral, we had a bit of trouble deciding what to let her wear, what to put in her casket, what food to offer her, where to hold her wake, who to invite, and whether she wanted songs etc etc.

It made me think of whether i should draft my own funeral arrangements. In case I were to die young. But who do I send it to? I couldn't possibly show it to my mom, she would think i was suicidal. Should I hand a copy to my my best friends? Or my cousins? What if my parents think it's fake if my best friends show up with my funeral plans?

Nevertheless, I will still write it. I'll print it out, seal it in an envelope and give it to some of the people I trust. I shall probably write a few farewell letters too.

This blog is getting depressing, but I am not depressed or suicidal, this is just a dumping space for all my sadness and negative thoughts as I don't have an avenue to express them. Maybe the school counselor will help?

Here's hoping to happier days.

hugz

I just want someone to hug. Too much to ask for?